Girlfriend wants to have sex and you don’t
[NOTE: Paragraphs with asterisk (*), see sources below article]
When guys wanted to have sex and their girlfriends say no, the most gentleman thing to do is to respect her decision. Stop the groping and French kisses and just give your girlfriend a hug, cuddle or say sweet nothings in her ear. But if it’s the other way around, the guys are “obliged” to fulfill the ladies’ demands. You strip down and nail her down on that bed and you bang her until she’s satisfied.
But what if you don’t really want to have sex and she’s horny? Is it okay to say no?
Most of us, especially Filipinos, are not very vocal about it; but in reality, couples tend to argue about sex more often than other aspects. He wants to have sex everyday but she likes it twice or thrice a week. Boyfriend may be in the mood but his girlfriend is not and vice versa.
The truth is that sex is an important part of every relationship. Sex is an instinctive trait of animals. Whether or not you accept that humans are part of the animal kingdom, we are genetically created to have sex and crave for it. No matter how hard you try to avoid it, the urge, or at least curiosity, will be there to haunt you at some point in your life.
It is a universal assumption that men have much higher sexual drive compared to women. But actually, women want to have sex as much as men do. Men are just more straightforward about it. Women’s sexual inclinations, however, are more complicated and more difficult to pin down.
According to experts, men score higher in libido while women’s sex drive is more fluid. “Sexual desire in women is extremely sensitive to environment and context,” says Edward O. Laumann, PhD, a professor of sociology at the University of Chicago and lead author of a major survey of sexual practices, The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States.*
Studying women’s sexual desire has been a problem for researchers for years. Women are capable of going through the motions in bed whether we want sex or not, our sexual desire doesn’t necessarily correlate with the frequency or quality of our sexual encounters.*
There are three distinct phases of human sexual response: desire, arousal and orgasm. Desire defined in sexual terms is the psychological aspect while arousal and orgasm are the physical processes. The arousal phase can be observed physically such as erected nipples, and increased blood flow in the genitals which causes a tingling sensation.
Sexual desire is mental: You’re thinking about sex, and therefore you’re feeling sexy. Desire is essential to experiencing real passion. “A woman’s sex drive is biologically normal—just like her hunger for food,” says certified sex therapist Jean Koehler, PhD., president of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists.*
Unfortunately, even women do not know when their sexual urges will spike up or dips down. There are times when women crave sex more than their partners. All we know is that (of course, being a woman myself) once it is there, it has to be satisfied. And we don’t take no for an answer.
Why no can offensive at times?
The picture can get really ugly when women are turned down by partners. And this is not because they’re sex maniacs or something. The word “No” can bring serious psychological implications on women. As mentioned earlier, desire is the psychological aspect of sex.
When a woman feels the desire to make love with her partner, it is also the time when she feels “sexiest”. Her confidence level is high. It is likely that she feels gorgeous, hot and very much irresistible. So if a man says no, it hits a hard blow on her self-confidence.
Body image and looks are sensitive issues to women. If turned down, she may feel ugly and unwanted. She will start questioning her looks and be very conscious. Worse case: she can get really paranoid and think that you’re cheating.
However, this doesn’t mean that you should still perform even if you’re not in the mood just to avoid hurting your girlfriend’s feelings. If you are not in the mood to have sex due to some issues at the office, a family problem, or a medical side effect due to sickness, you have to make her understand what you are going through before she ends up slapping your face.
Sexual urge for men is associated with their physiological aspect while women associate sex with emotions. This is where communication between couples plays a vital role. It will give your partner a heads up on your mood that day. There is less likely a girl would get turned on if she knows her partner is having problems in his work.
Bottom line, men and women both need sex as much as we need food, shelter and clothing. And we are all given the choice to say yes or no.
- Sex Drive: How Do Men and Women Compare?. Richard Sine. (http://www.webmd.com/sex/features/sex-drive-how-do-men-women-compare)
- Not in the mood? Young women don’t want to talk about it, but a lack of sexual desire is common. Here are some surprising causes, and solutions from sexperts. Holly Robinson Cookson. (http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0846/is_9_23/ai_n6004441/?tag=mantle_skin;content)