Breaking Up: How to Let Go

Moving on is the toughest phase in every relationship. Either male or female, letting go of a person you’ve deeply cared about is absolutely difficult. You cannot just put away the memories of your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend in a box like old things. There are a lot of adjustments to be made and a bunch of memories to be erased. It is literally a start of a new life.

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Letting go

There is no easy way to letting go. Unlike the scars and bruises you get from falling off a bike or tripping on a stone, only time can heal emotional wounds. Then again, this is a phase wherein you learn lessons that will mold you into a better human being. It is when you will learn how to become a better person.

Getting back would not ease the pain as well. Sometimes, the thought of being alone really scares us that we’d rather go back to our exes. The future, since it’s a stranger to us, can get so scary that we’d rather run back to the past since its familiar. We tend to miss our exes’ comfort, support and love that we’re more than willing to take away our pride. Well, if I may say, this is not healthy.

There’s always a reason why relationships end. Love is a two-way street. In the time you were together, there must’ve been something that you or your partner did that caused the argument and eventually splitting up. It must have been something grave or intense that leads you or your partner or both of you to end your relationship.

Then again, do not close your doors. There are some couples who get back together after they have learned their mistakes and became better individuals. As what Barry Manilow said, somewhere down the road these people may have met again. Now that they’ve matured, they tried to rekindle the flames. Sometimes, couples only need some time apart. But due to the intensity of the fight, they make faulty decisions.

How to cope with a break up

There’s no drug or step-by-step instructions on how to cope with a break up. Moving on takes time. You cannot just make your heart stop hurting in a split second.

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After a break up, it is natural to stay in solitude for some time. Locking up in your room can help you assess things and reflect on what had happened. Let it all sink in to you. Were you a good partner or not? How were you as a whole to your ex? What are the lessons you’ve learned from the relationship? Cherish the cheerful moments of the relationship rather than the arguments and misunderstandings. Remembering the bad times would only make you hate your ex. You’ll just become more miserable.

If you have to cry, do so. Let it all out. Regardless of your gender, crying would help ease the pain. It is a good form of release. Sooner or later, your heart will grow tired of crying and be numb to that pain.

Go out and get a hobby. You need to have a new hobby to fill all the time you usually spend with your ex. Now that you have more time, you can do the things you haven’t done. You can enroll in lessons like culinary, theater, instruments, and others. You can start a business or be involved in an organization. You can start planning your next step in your career. Be active in sports or in church and other activities that will surely make you busy.

Fill your schedule with night outs with your friends. You can go to bars and have a good time or just chill some where. You can start flirting whenever attending parties. Flirting or chatting with other girls/boys would take your mind off your ex. However, especially for girls, do not leave the party with these guys. Hooking up and one night stands would just make you feel miserable afterwards.

Do not enter a new relationship until you are fully ready. Certainly, getting a new partner would help you totally forget about the past. But if you are not ready, you will just feel worse and disappointed. Usually in a rebound relationship, it is likely that you will look for your ex’s qualities and characteristics in your new lover. Eventually, it leads to disaster.

Schedule trips and vacations. You can do this with your closest buddies or your family. A change of view and environment would be a great source of inspiration.

Look at the Brightside. Break up in a relationship is not the end. It is the start of something new; a better you as a lover and as a human being. Never let it bring you down. Instead, let it inspire you to pursue dreams. Yes, being alone is difficult. But it is a phase we all undergo through to become a better person.

Maria Espie

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